


Return

by istanraven



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:59:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istanraven/pseuds/istanraven
Summary: Selina Kyle reads the headline on a newspaper that makes her feel something she hasn't felt in over a decade. After stealing a diamond, attending a gala, and later standing on a roof, she finds in him a hope for the future.(Gotham's finale 5x12 in Selina's point of view)





	Return

Selina’s footsteps pounded on the cement as she sprinted across the roof, leaping over exhaust pipes and skylights as she made her way to the ledge that looked over the city. It was nights like these where she felt most alive, feeling the wind blow through her hair, making her feel as if she were weightless, flying. 

She used to only get that feeling with one person. At least that’s what she thought. Then again she hadn’t seen him in almost ten years. Despite that, the memories remained ever so vivid in her mind, inhabiting her thoughts, keeping her awake in the late hours of the night. 

That was what had drawn her out now, a distraction from the one person filling her mind, emotions and feelings threatening to consume her like it had years ago, when she had been willing to look death in the face for him. 

She leapt up onto the ledge, her hand place on the side as she looked down over the city she had called home her entire life. She had thought about leaving, she really had. But she kept the false hope that someday he would show up back in Gotham, and she would be here waiting. Of course she had dismissed these thoughts years ago, she was staying because where else would she go, not because of him.

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath before something on the roof caught her eye. A piece of paper was ruffling in the wind, lying on the cement. She didn’t know what had taken over her to drop down from the ledge and slowly make her way to it before picking it up quickly realizing it was just a newspaper. She read one of the article’s names, Penguin was coming out of Blackgate. Selina could remember the day when they had all fought side by side to protect their city, now he was just getting out of prison after almost a decade, despite everything he’d done. Something in her said he deserved it, he’d killed so many people, including Tabitha, he should pay for what he had done. But another part of her thought he didn’t deserve ten years right after he’d almost lost his life fighting on their side. 

She flipped over the paper, her eyes flitting to the top before skimming across the bold letters lining the top of the page. 

**Bruce Wayne Returns to Gotham After a Decade.**

The paper slipped.

Falling straight down to the roof below, the light sound echoing across the emptiness around her.

He was back.

Bruce was back.

Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to steady herself on the ledge of the roof, missing the feeling of lightness a few moments before, now all she felt was a consuming thought weighing her down so heavily she could barely see straight, barely even think, barely even feel. 

He’d been gone for a decade, and somehow he was still the only one who could break her like she was breaking now. 

She leaned over the ledge, her gloved hands gripping tightly onto the cement, her breaths heavy, trying to collect herself as she looked down at the street below as loose curls from her hair were swaying in the small breeze. 

After a moment she collected herself, she wasn’t going to be someone that Bruce could just return to Gotham for and everything would be the same. She forced herself to reach the thought that she could care less about him, that all her feelings for him had been lost over the last ten years, but that was the same thought crossing her mind as she was on the verge of collapsing on the roof after seeing the heading of the newspaper. She clenched her fist before quickly turning around, sprinting back to where she had come from. She needed to let off steam, do something before hopes clouded her judgment and made her weak again. She hadn’t planned on stealing something that night, but if that’s what had to be done to remind herself that she wasn’t the weak girl all those years ago that would have always been there for Bruce Wayne when he needed her, she would do it. She needed to not feel like a good person, not to be reminded of the person she so desperately wanted to become for Bruce years before. 

After climbing down from the fire escape, she quickly ran through the alleys, surveying the area around her before jumping into the window her small abandoned apartment she called home. She caught her breath before grabbing her whip and mask on the table, she felt something brush against the side of her leg and she bent down to run a hand across the cat’s head. She looked up at her with her green eyes, and Selina sighed. 

“He’s back.” She whispered, as if the cat would understand.

As if she would even be able to understand.

She strapped the whip to her belt before pulling on her mask and making her way towards the museum that held the diamond she’d been keeping her eyes on for the past few weeks. If it was anytime to make a rash decision, it was now. She made her way inside, going in through one of the doors lining the side of the building, hidden in the shadows of the alley. Silently, she walked across the marble floor, stopping every few moments to listen for any sounds of movement around her. If she had the time right, they should be locking up and setting up their security measures right about now before locking up the place for the night. 

Right as she turned a corner she spotted one of the last workers, turning on the security protocol before heading back down another hallway. Slowly, she ascended up the stairs, looking over the artifacts lining the room, displayed under glass boxes, before throwing out a small smoke grenade, showing her the bright red lasers splayed across the entire room. She took a breath before proceeding to flip and rolling under the lasers, making her way straight to the one thing she had come to retrieve. Pulling off her mask, she let her hair tumble down before letting a smile appear on her face. 

She wasn’t the good guy, she would never be the good guy. She would always be the thief, the person doing whatever she could to survive. Bruce would never be able to change that, and she reveled in that fact. 

She reached forward, slicing a small circle in the glass with her clawed gloves before pulling the piece out. Tentatively, she reached inside, lightly grabbing a hold of the diamond, before something caused her blood to run cold.

A shadow covered the room, casting her in darkness for a moment, before it passed. She quickly lifted her head, involuntarily letting out a small gasp. Her eyes flitted across the expanse of the window for a moment before she slowly looked away. She didn’t know how but she could feel it inside her chest that whoever just went by the window was someone she knew. Someone who’d decided to come back after a decade and spy on her through a window. Then again he’d left last time without even so much as an explanation in person, so why did she expect one now. 

She quickly shoved the diamond into the satchel on her side before pushing herself down to the floor and rolling her way out under the lasers still lining the room. 

Her way back toward her apartment left her on edge, she felt as if someone, or rather he, was watching her. She quickly turned down another alley, hoping her change in course would help her lose him, if he was even there. 

After a moment, she realized she’d walked straight down the alley that lead right to the new building adorning Gotham’s streets, Wayne Tower. She watched as people in long gowns, with men on their arms walked inside the light up building, attending the gala. Alfred had sent her an invitation, how he even knew where she lived, she didn’t know. For a while they were each other’s crutch, both having lost the one person they’d loved. She’d occasionally drop by for some food and information on what was happening in Gotham. She of course needed a change, her regular visits stopped, and she’d disappeared. He’d probably forgotten about her, just like everyone else had. Now she was just known as the masked woman who’d been riding museums and people of their valuables. She looked back up towards the entrance of the building, something now was tempting her to go. 

She’d be able to see Bruce in person, of course he’d attend his own event. There she could tell him he needed to stop following her, she could tell him to stop thinking that he should even feel the need to after everything he’d put her through. 

She quickly turned the corner, her curly hair blowing away from her face as traffic passed, she slunk into another one of the alleys that lead straight to her apartment as she headed inside, going straight for her closet. She had to look fit for the occasion, she had attended parties like these before so she had a few dresses. Of course she’d only gone when she was trying to take something from their house or from people. 

She would never attend one voluntarily. 

Reaching inside, she found the dress, she actually hadn’t worn it before, just kept it in the back of her closet for years. Barbara had given it to her a few weeks after Bruce had left, Selina knew she pitied her, everyone had. They’d all seen them grow up together, fight side by side, and they watched as he left without a goodbye, just a letter given to the GCPD to deliver to her. After a month, she had dropped off the face of the earth, staying of radars and doing her own thing. 

She’d gotten good at stealing. 

Really good. 

So she poured everything she had into that, making sure no one would ever see her vulnerable again, pushing her emotions so far inside of her, they wouldn’t be able to come out again. Because the only time she was vulnerable, letting someone inside her walls, letting herself finally feel she could trust someone, they left her, leaving her in a pit of darkness that slowly consumed and destroyed her entire being, leaving her shattered and lost for months. 

She took a deep breath now, standing on the sidewalk overlooking the building. The last time she stood in front of Wayne Tower, her and Bruce had destroyed the old one, bringing down Bane’s army. Now she stood in front of the new one, some of her hair tied back so it wouldn’t be in her face as the wind blew around her. Before she could convince herself not to go, she walked across the street, her heels hitting the cement as she walked. 

Reaching the door, she handed the man at the front her invitation before making her way inside, surveying the room room she’d just walked into. People were scattered around, holding glasses of wine and chattering about gotham’s golden boy returning after ten years. She stood against the wall for a moment before she spotted a familiar person in the crowd. 

Alfred stood in front of a model of Gotham city, his back turned towards her as she made her way over to him, standing quietly as she tried to find the right words to say. 

“So, this is Bruce’s new Gotham.” She said, watching as Alfred lifted his head. “I liked the old one.” 

He turned around now, looking at her with wide eyes. He probably was surprised, he hadn’t expected her to show up, there was also the fact that she hadn’t seen him in nine years. 

“Selina?” He asked.

She looked away for a moment before looking back up at him. 

“How wonderful to see you again.” He said, a smile making its way onto his face. “It’s been far, far too long.” 

She’d missed him, she really did. At one point he’d become such a large figure in her life, and she’d considered him family. But she couldn’t let him see that, she couldn’t let anyone see that.

“Where is he?” She asked, keeping her face as emotionless as possible. 

“Well, I’m afraid travels abroad haven’t increased master Bruce’s respect for punctuality, Miss Kyle.” 

She looked around the room quickly before looking back at Alfred, her reason for coming now surfacing on her mind. 

“I came here to tell him to stop spying on me.” 

Alfred looked taken aback for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing before he spoke again, “I don’t understand.” 

“I was out the other night and I felt someone watching me.” She said, and for a moment she’d realized how crazy she sounded. It could have been anyone or anything that passed across the window, but her automatic thought was Bruce. “I know it was Bruce.”

“Oh, I see, right. Well that makes perfect sense. So you come here tonight dress in the nines to tell him that you want nothing more to do with him, is that the kind of jist of it?” He’d asked and she felt called out as she stood in that gala knowing full well what Alfred was implying, and knowing full well it was true. 

“He left, Alfred.” She said, stepping closer to him. “Everything we went through, and one day he’s just gone. He doesn’t get to come back after ten years and act like nothing’s happened.” She said and her breaths began to quicken. 

She watched Alfred’s face completely change from one of accusation to understanding. He looked at her for a moment before speaking again, “This we absolutely agree, I do however feel this might be something you want to tell him yourself.” 

She looked at him for a moment, before stepping closer to him. 

“He needs to stay away.” She hated that Alfred had probably heard the falter in her voice, her eyes beginning to water. She looked at him for a moment before stepped around him, desperate to get out of that building, she didn’t know why’d she’d even come in the first place. Bruce didn’t deserve to even see her again or revel in the satisfaction that she had attended his gala just to give him a warning. Why couldn’t she just stay away?

\---

The wind slowly blew around her, a loose strand of her curls moving slightly and she looked down over Gotham. 

She didn’t know why she was up there, she’d told herself over and over again that she was there for her usual break from reality, but she knew she was lying to herself.

She knew Bruce would find her.

Just like he would know she’d be up there. 

Her grip on the ledge tightened as she continued to watch cars moving down on the street below. An hour earlier she had been by their sides again, the people she’d chosen to block out of her life. 

She could’ve left, ran when everyone else did, but something forced her to stay. 

Those people had gone through so much together and she’d been there for a lot of it. Jim had gotten her out of the system, sending her straight to Wayne Manor when she was barely fourteen, there she had met the one person who would change her entire life. Barbara had been someone she looked up to, someone who had given her a home and a purpose with Tabitha as well. Alfred had been like a father to her, taking care of her the first year Bruce had been gone, he’d been the one person she could rely on and she had destroyed that by blocking out everyone who ever showed a sliver of trust or empathy in her ever. 

She let herself stand with them again, work with them again, letting herself feel like she was a part of something bigger than herself for the first time in a long time. She’d been alone for far too long. 

She took in a deep breath before loosening her grip on the railing. 

That’s when she felt him, standing behind her silently. 

Her breathing stopped as she stood there for a moment, trying to piece together everything she had been meaning to say to him at the gala, something along the lines of demanding him to stop following her because she wanted nothing more to do with him. 

“You’re there, aren’t you?” She asked, the falter in her voice so apparent she winced. 

But she couldn’t think about anything in that moment except what she'd so desperately wanted to tell him when she reached that airport ten years ago after reading his letter, what she had wanted to say as she watched the plane fly into the night sky, disappearing behind the clouds overshadowing Gotham. 

“Did you have any idea what you did?” She let out a breath, trying to compose herself quickly. “Just leaving?” 

He said nothing, just continued to stand behind her, silent. 

“You were all I had.” She said, her eyes beginning to water as she let the reality of the situation kick in. “And I know you wanted to protect me. But I didn’t want to be protected,” she said, “I wanted you!” She said, finally breaking down the last wall holding in all of her vulnerability, showing Bruce everything that she had felt for the past fifteen years of her life. 

“Say something!” She said loudly, “say something.”

“There was no other way, Selina.” 

It was the first time she’d heard his voice in ten years, the first time she’d hear him say her name in ten years. Her hands had started shaking but she quickly turned them into fists, trying to control her emotions threatening to unfold. 

“I had to go.” 

“You didn’t have to do anything, Bruce.” She said loudly, the pain and hurt seeping into her words. “You could have stayed. I would have been fine, Gotham would have been fine.” 

“If I had stayed, people would have continued to be hurt because of me and I wouldn’t have been able to protect them.” He stopped for a moment, and she swore she could hear him take a step closer to him. “I wouldn’t have been able to protect you.” She barely missed it but she heard the small shift in his voice, she could hear him earlier trying to sound detached, like something while he had been gone had changed him. But she heard the Bruce she used to know for a moment, heard his vulnerability and something in her broke. 

“I would have been able to take care of my damn self.” She said, her pain being transformed into anger searing through her. “I’m not your responsibility just because you thought you were in love with me.”

He was silent now and she continued to speak.

“For the last ten years, I had no one, Bruce." She said, quieter now. "I was alone. But I survived, I did everything for myself because I learned to not rely on people, because all they ever do is leave.” She said, the last part of her sentence faltering as tears started to fall down her face. 

She’d survived, but she hadn’t lived. Her life had been a constant need to feel something, to feel anything besides the emptiness that had inherited her chest. But nothing had worked until that moment, standing so close to him yet feeling so far, like he hadn’t even returned. 

“Selina,” he started, his voice softer than it had been before and she could hear the sadness lingering on every letter of her name. “I would do anything to go back and change what I’d done. But I can’t. I can’t go back to that day where I saw Bane’s hands holding your head, ready to kill you. I can’t go back to that day when Jeremiah shot a bullet straight through you, paralyzing you. I can’t go back to that day when you’d tried to take your own life, and I couldn’t have done anything to stop it.”

She couldn’t speak as tears had started to fall down her face. 

“If I hadn’t have left, someone else would have come along threatening to destroy me because of the name I hold, because of everything I’d done. Then I wouldn’t be able to protect you for long, I’d lose you because I wasn’t strong enough.” He said.

She took a deep breath desperately wanting to turn around, to see his face again, but something was stopping her, maybe she wasn’t enough or maybe she was trying to listen to her head for once. 

“So what happens now?” She asked, her gaze staring out at the vast city in front of them.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, he sounded closer than he had been before. “But I know that I’ll never leave Gotham again.” 

It was silent now, the only sound coming from the sound of horns honking in the streets below them, and the sounds of an ambulance siren in the distance.

“I meant what I said in that letter.” He said, shattering the silence that had surrounded them a moment before. 

“I still do.” He murmured.

She froze for a moment, the words hitting her, completely destroying any sense of restraint she still had pent up inside of her. She knew exactly what he’d meant, knew exactly which sentence he still meant. Suddenly she looked up to see a large light brightening up the night sky, and that’s when he spoke again. 

“Return the diamond.” 

She knew he was gone then, but she turned around anyway searching the roof around her. Despite everything she let a smile make its way onto her face. 

“Like hell.” She said. 

She knew there had been unspoken promises in his words, but she knew things couldn’t go back to how they were before. Things could never go back to how they were when they had just been children, without so much weight pressing down on their shoulders. They had both found experienced so much pain at such a young age throwing them into an overturning darkness that threatened to consume them so early, but with each other, they’d found the light that would guide them from their agony and to hope for the future that laid ahead. 

After she’d lost him, being alone was really what had destroyed her, but from out of that darkness she made herself stronger, someone who could never be hurt by someone else ever again. That’s what made her strong enough to survive for the past decade, live for herself and not rely on anyone else. She’d learned to not rely on him to give her the light, she would find it herself.

Bruce had gone somewhere for the last ten years, having dealt with the fact that he had to watch his parents get shot right before his eyes, he’d suffered so much pain after that, and she knew pain would continue to follow him wherever he went, but he still decided to come back. 

He still decided to come back to protect people from what he couldn’t even protect himself from.

Despite all this, despite the fact that they’d both had to change, become new people to face new challenges life had to throw at them, that things would never be the same for them, she felt hope. This was a start, a start to something she knew wasn’t over, no matter what they had gone through and what they will continue to have to go through. Things would be different this time, she knew that. They were different, but she knew what they had would never change. 

That night as she returned to her small apartment, throwing the now empty satchel onto the table before she stood next to her window, looking out over the city she called home, she let herself have hope for the first time in nearly a decade.


End file.
